2007 Miss Teen USA Pageant

Lauren Caitlin Upton may not have won Miss Teen USA but she may be the smartest adolescent in America.

Hard to believe, what with the 18-year-old’s brain-dead moment on You Tube – more than seven million hits, if you count the parodies – as she stumbled in the skill-testing portion of last Friday’s pageant.

When asked why, supposedly according to polls, one-fifth of Americans can’t locate the United States on a world map, Upton replied:

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”


Tube Map for Miss South Carolina

  1. Start (S) on the Red Line and take it to The Iraq
  2. Catch the connecting Blue Line train back
  3. Hop on the Green Line to the end of the line (E)

Tube Map of Miss Teen USA’s Mind